Let me do my job...

Mood: content

Book I'm currently reading: First Daughter


It's Thankgiving (at least for another half hour). Unlike most of my American readers, I did not spend the day with family, eating too much food and celebrating. Instead, I woke up relatively early but decided to stay in bed and read (Girl at Sea). I took a break from reading to watch some Saved by the Bell, then took a nap, then read some more. In between I had a late breakfast (actually it was more like a late lunch...but I had waffles, so that counts as breakfast, righ?), then read some more. I watched Ugly Betty and Grey's, while eating dinner (vegetable lasagna and ice cream cake). I talked to one person all day - one of my RAs who called to check up on me...how cute! ;)
Now I'm back to reading. I've finished Girl at Sea and moved on to First Daughter, both from the "Young Adult" section in the local library. I rarely read adult novels - maybe the occassional classic here and there - but usually I like to stick to teen or young adult books. They're just more entertaining.

I'm definitely enjoying the few days away from work. Even though I didn't leave over break, it's nice not having to get up at a set hour, spending hours in the office, walking around the building, talking to students, etc. Originally, I was supposed to cover Thanksgiving Break duty since the breakhousing we offer to students is in my building (two rooms with tons of bunkbeds and absolutely no privacy), but I managed to get someone else to cover for me. It just wasn't worth it for me - yeah, so maybe I would have gotten an extra $200 for covering those four days, but I don't need money - what I need is a break.

Work has been "interesting" lately, to say the least. I had a very strange conversation with my two supervisors at our last 2-on-1, a conversation that left me not wanting to work here for another day. It had started with a conversation prior to that meeting, during which one of them had asked me if I was planning on coming back for another year and I explained that I was, mostly because of immigration laws and all this visa application hassle. I mean, my current H1B visa allows me to work here, at this institution in this specific job. I just got this H1B a few months ago. If I were to look for another job, I'd have to go through the whole visa application process again - with very little chance of actually getting a new work permit in time to start a new job for the new school year (since it takes several months and most ResLife departments don't make hiring decisions until April or May and training usually starts in July or August...it could work but would be tight) and espeically with not being able to leave the country while my application was pending, which would mean goodbye to my summer plans (I want to go home and spend some time with family and friends, since I haven't been able to do that in years). I'm just not willing to give up those summer plans right now. And besides, while I don't love the department I'm working for, I really enjoy the time I get to spend with my RAs and my students and I truly believe in my living learning community theme and feel like there is still a lot left for me to accomplish. So granted, I always feel like a black cloud descends upon me when I enter the central office, but hey, at least I only have to go to the office three or four times a week.

But back to the conversation with my supervisors: Basically they encouraged me to think about whether or not I was happy here and if I wasn't, I should look for other jobs. I tried to explain the whole visa situation and they said that this shouldnt' stop by and it could easily be worked out. It just showed such ignorance about the whole situation. I'm sorry; maybe they thought they were being supportive; but it didn't come off that way. It sounded like they were trying to get rid of me, to push me out. And it was obvious that they had no clue about the realities of my immigration status.
And then they said the most hurtful thing of all...they suggested that I better leave here if I'm not happy anymore, instead of staying too long and then not being able to get any positive references. What was that suppoed to mean? Did that mean that they wouldn't give me a good reference if I asked them?
I have worked my a** off these past year and a half. I have developed a whole new curriculum for my building that's taken my living learning community to a whole new level. There is actually learning occuring in my building! My staff has done a fabulous job, my students overall are enjoying their experience here. We've addressed issues in the building in an appropriate and timely manner. I've put a lot of time and effort into the committee I'm chairing. I go to all NRHH meetings and events unlike one of my co-advisors, who happens to be "sick" every other week. I'm not perfect, but I try... and I think I can say, without sounding conceited, that I have done a pretty good job so far.

Here's what bothers me: It feels like my personal life is being evaluated. At the beginning of the year, I kept hearing, "You are so reserved; you don't share things;" then I tried to share a few things and now they are being held against me. I was better off when I lied and said I was perfectly fine.
For example, the whole conversation about "balance:" If I don't have balance in my life because I have decided to give my all to my job for the next couple of years, then that is my choice. As long as my lack of balance doesn't affect my ability to do my job well - and it doesn't, on the contrary, it has allowed me to be a lot more successful because I am more visible in the building and spend more time planning and organizing things for my community - then this is none of my supervisors' business.

Don't go assuming that you know anything about me! You don't know what goes on in my head. Even for a workaholic like me, it's not always about work - sometimes I may look down or be distracted because of personal stuff, things that I do not have to and do not feel comfortable sharing with you. I don't need fake sweetness and care when I know that everything I say will just be used against me later. So just leave me alone and let me do my job!

Too much to do, too little time

Mood: drained, exhausted

Currently watching: Grey's Anatomy


Sorry for being MIA for so long. It's been crazy to say the least. Even now, I have an endless to-do list. But Grey's is the one show I allow myself to watch and I feel like I have a fever (I'd rather not check because it's not like I can miss work tomorrow anyway), so I figured I deserve a little break.

I've been struggling with fitting in everything: academic advising (this week was registration for first-year students, so I've been bombarded with last minute questions), the usual ResLife stuff (Staff Meetings, 1:1's), a huge load of judicials (at least compared to other colleagues), NRHH, chairing the Adviser Training Committee, teaching a Leadership course and trying to give this whole Living Learning Community thing some structure for next semester. I usually start work at 9 AM. I'm in the office or in meetings all day. In the evenings, I either have staff meeting or corridor meetings (we've had to address some alcohol and safety concerns) or programs (we've also had lots of those). I usually get stuck talking to some residents (answering more advising questions or just helping with other random things) and then it's about 9 or 10 by the time I get back to my apartment. I'm usually pretty tired and drained by that time, but work isn't over yet. I hardly ever get any time to work on projects and other tasks during the day, so that's what I do at night. Personal time hasn't existed for the past month. Sleeping mostly happens on the weekends.

I'm not trying to complain. I know I do some of it to myself by being an overachiever and not being able to deal with things not being perfect. But part of it is just this job.

I feel like, as long as everything goes as planned, I'm able to handle it. But when something goes wrong, everything falls apart.

But complaining and whining won't help, so let's talk about something else.

Hmmm, how about my LLC: The first semester in CHANGE and of my Residential Curriculum has gone over pretty well. My staff likes the structure and direction the curriculum provides. I like knowing that there are some educational components that we're getting across to residents. Yes, there are definitely some things I need to revise. For example, we had students from our Leadership class do corridor workshops - having all of those over a very brief period of time was a bad idea. There was just an overload of programming going on in the building. Also, having all the corridor do their community service project the same month provided some challenges.
Once all this craziness slows down - who knows when that'll be but it has to happen some time - I will revise the curriculum from this semester for next year. But first, I need to come up with a curriculum for second semester.
We're planning a Spring Break Service Trip. It's all getting a little stressful because I should have booked it a long time ago - but Habitat for Humanities makes you pay for the trip if you have to cancel it or don't have enough participants - so I don't want to do so unless I really know who is all going. I'm also trying to get funding from various sources, which has worked out pretty well so far, but it's just been a lot of work. Hopefully in a week or so I'll have this whole trip figured out.

Okay, now I really need to get some rest. I'll write more soon. :)