Mood: blah
About a week ago, we had to submit our letters of intent. Tomorrow, we should be finding out where we're placed for next year. It's a big deal here because of our living learning communities. One community is just so different from another; your placement can make or break your experience.
I'm pretty confident that I will get to stay in my current living learning community. I haven't heard about anyone else being interested in it. I think I've done a decent job this year. And I just really don't think I could work anywhere else.
But enough about that: I've been thinking about what it's been like to be a "returner" this year (after all, I need to plan the returner meeting for April, where we'll talk about what it means to be a returner).
It's been nice to know the job. I wasn't nervous or anxious about new tasks (even though I would have never admitted that I was nervous last year). I was able to make some changes in my community. I could try out some new things with my staff.
In terms of my relationships with new staff? Well, during training and at the beginning of the semester, I always felt like I should be doing more, reaching out to them more, giving more advice. But when I tried, I often felt like they didn't necessarily want that advice, so I cut back and only answered when asked or when there was a bigger issue. I tried to be positive around them as not to taint their opinion of our institution and department from the very begining. But I also didn't want to lie. And when we were asked for feedback in team meetings, I was honest and mentioned the things that were frustrating me. That was tough at times because I felt like I was the only one on our team, who'd ever bring up a problem...well, it was me and my grad (also a returner). There was one more returner on the team, but he hardly ever says anything. I'm still struggling with this - knowing when to give feedback or how often. Sometimes it feels like it's a waste of time because nothing will change anything - then sometimes things change but I'm not sure if others like the change or if they dislike me for it (for example when I suggested that we actually do something during team meeting - professional development stuf for example - instead of just having check-ins and getting some basic info from our coordinator).
It'd be really interesting to hear what the other staff members think about me. Was I a "good" returner? Had I been helpful? Were there other things that I could have done?
I have no idea.
Well it's 1:30 a.m....so I should probably try and get some sleep.
Wish me luck for tomorrow (if the letters even come out on time...which, knowing our department, i doubt).
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Sunday, January 20, 2008
The Trip - Part 2
Hello,
How's it going?
So the rest of the trip is kind of a blurr. Skiing with my family, parties with my friends, visiting grandparents, seeing "Rebecca" (this new musical with Uwe Kroeger and Wietske Van Tongeren) in Vienna, more hanging out with friends, etc. Family life isn't always easy - like so many families, we have our issues and problems - but they're family, you know.
And it was just really nice not being at work or anywhere near work.
It already seems like ages ago.
But here's a few things I learned during this vacation:
1) If we think it's hard to explain to Americans what we, as Student Affairs professionals do, it's nothing compared to explaining it to Austrians. And I think partially it's due to the wealth of different tasks that are part of our job. You may be able to explain one, but it'd take you forever to explain everything...and nobody wants to listen for that long.
2) Things change but they're not different.
Okay, that probably makes no sense. But here's what I mean: If you've gone from a place for four years, you think that everything will be different. But when you get there, some things may have changed - there's new buildings, people have moved - but in the end, it still feels the same.
3) True friends will always be true friends.
There's people we meet and we think they'll be your friends for life. A few years later, they're gone, no matter how hard you tried to stay in touch. Then there's those people, where - yes, you still have to put some work into staying in touch - but you're not the only one "working." And then you can put oceans between each other, but you'll always be there for each other - and when you get back together, things may have changed, but they're not different. :)
How's it going?
So the rest of the trip is kind of a blurr. Skiing with my family, parties with my friends, visiting grandparents, seeing "Rebecca" (this new musical with Uwe Kroeger and Wietske Van Tongeren) in Vienna, more hanging out with friends, etc. Family life isn't always easy - like so many families, we have our issues and problems - but they're family, you know.
And it was just really nice not being at work or anywhere near work.
It already seems like ages ago.
But here's a few things I learned during this vacation:
1) If we think it's hard to explain to Americans what we, as Student Affairs professionals do, it's nothing compared to explaining it to Austrians. And I think partially it's due to the wealth of different tasks that are part of our job. You may be able to explain one, but it'd take you forever to explain everything...and nobody wants to listen for that long.
2) Things change but they're not different.
Okay, that probably makes no sense. But here's what I mean: If you've gone from a place for four years, you think that everything will be different. But when you get there, some things may have changed - there's new buildings, people have moved - but in the end, it still feels the same.
3) True friends will always be true friends.
There's people we meet and we think they'll be your friends for life. A few years later, they're gone, no matter how hard you tried to stay in touch. Then there's those people, where - yes, you still have to put some work into staying in touch - but you're not the only one "working." And then you can put oceans between each other, but you'll always be there for each other - and when you get back together, things may have changed, but they're not different. :)
Saturday, January 12, 2008
The Trip - Part 1
Hello everyone,
I apologize for not having blogged in so long. I actually went back home to Austria to visit my family - for the first time in FOUR years. And then, less than a week ago (even though it feels like an eternity already) I returned to the US and have been swamped with work.
But let's start from the beginning.
When I went to Austria, I had to apply for a new visa since my old one had expired. In case you are not as familiar with immigration laws (which I definitely wouldn't be if I wasn't in this situation myself): You just need to have a valid work permit (in my case my H1B) to live and work in the US. However, to enter the country, you need a visa. If it expires while you're in the country, it doesn't matter...as long as that work permit is still valid. But if you leave the country and want to re-enter it, you need a new visa. Does that make sense?
To make a long story short, my visa had expired. I needed to get a new one (which you can only do in your country of citizenship).
I was definitely a little nervous about the whole process - even though I tried to deny those feelings in a hope of not making it worse. Not that there is really a reason why my visa application could have been denied, but you never know. And if I hadn't gotten the visa, I would suddenly have been unemployed, homeless and back in a country where Student Affairs doesn't even exist.
I flew to Munich, Germany, one of the closest airports to my hometown Bregenz in Austria. But instead of going home, I took the train to Vienna. The next morning was my appointment at the Consulate.
I tried to patiently wait in line. Ahead of me was a woman, who worked at some company in Boston, a man who was teaching at MIT, an older couple, and a young student. One after the other, we were called up to hand in our documents. Then, we were called - again one by one - for a brief interview. All the others ahead of me were just asked a few questions and were then told that their visa was approved and would be sent to them within the next few days.
I was starting to feel a bit more confident.
But then, when it was finally my turn, I was called over to a little more private interview area. Already not a good sign, I thought. Now I was just trying not to let myself freak out. The employee from the Consulate asked me how long I had been in the U.S. Then, he asked if I had applied for immigration status - or if anyone else had applied for me. I felt like he didn't believe me when I said that I had not applied (because I don't qualify for it...but I didn't tell him that). He asked a couple more questions about what I do; then he asked for my fingerprints. At this point, I was so nervous that when he said he needed my right hand, I put the left hand on the machine. Finally - after what seemed like an eternity - he said, "Well, we will have to check your records and look further into that. If we have any further questions, we will contact you and asked you to come in again."
My heart must have stopped for a second. I don't know how I managed to smile, say thank you, and walk out the door. I spent the next few hours trying to calm myself down and telling myself that everything would be okay. Hey, at least I had a lot of time to calm myself down since I was - once again - sitting in train and would be for 9 hours to get home.
Surprisingly enough, just a few days later, my passport with my new visa arrived in the mail. I didn't even know what to say when I got it.
I apologize for not having blogged in so long. I actually went back home to Austria to visit my family - for the first time in FOUR years. And then, less than a week ago (even though it feels like an eternity already) I returned to the US and have been swamped with work.
But let's start from the beginning.
When I went to Austria, I had to apply for a new visa since my old one had expired. In case you are not as familiar with immigration laws (which I definitely wouldn't be if I wasn't in this situation myself): You just need to have a valid work permit (in my case my H1B) to live and work in the US. However, to enter the country, you need a visa. If it expires while you're in the country, it doesn't matter...as long as that work permit is still valid. But if you leave the country and want to re-enter it, you need a new visa. Does that make sense?
To make a long story short, my visa had expired. I needed to get a new one (which you can only do in your country of citizenship).
I was definitely a little nervous about the whole process - even though I tried to deny those feelings in a hope of not making it worse. Not that there is really a reason why my visa application could have been denied, but you never know. And if I hadn't gotten the visa, I would suddenly have been unemployed, homeless and back in a country where Student Affairs doesn't even exist.
I flew to Munich, Germany, one of the closest airports to my hometown Bregenz in Austria. But instead of going home, I took the train to Vienna. The next morning was my appointment at the Consulate.
I tried to patiently wait in line. Ahead of me was a woman, who worked at some company in Boston, a man who was teaching at MIT, an older couple, and a young student. One after the other, we were called up to hand in our documents. Then, we were called - again one by one - for a brief interview. All the others ahead of me were just asked a few questions and were then told that their visa was approved and would be sent to them within the next few days.
I was starting to feel a bit more confident.
But then, when it was finally my turn, I was called over to a little more private interview area. Already not a good sign, I thought. Now I was just trying not to let myself freak out. The employee from the Consulate asked me how long I had been in the U.S. Then, he asked if I had applied for immigration status - or if anyone else had applied for me. I felt like he didn't believe me when I said that I had not applied (because I don't qualify for it...but I didn't tell him that). He asked a couple more questions about what I do; then he asked for my fingerprints. At this point, I was so nervous that when he said he needed my right hand, I put the left hand on the machine. Finally - after what seemed like an eternity - he said, "Well, we will have to check your records and look further into that. If we have any further questions, we will contact you and asked you to come in again."
My heart must have stopped for a second. I don't know how I managed to smile, say thank you, and walk out the door. I spent the next few hours trying to calm myself down and telling myself that everything would be okay. Hey, at least I had a lot of time to calm myself down since I was - once again - sitting in train and would be for 9 hours to get home.
Surprisingly enough, just a few days later, my passport with my new visa arrived in the mail. I didn't even know what to say when I got it.
Sunday, December 2, 2007
Picture Perfect
Mood: annoyed
Campus Events I attended this weekend: RHA Formal, Coffee Shop (Talent Show), Acapella Concert, NRHH Inductions
I was sitting in my office on Friday, when my Housing Manager stopped by. The Housekeeping staff had found a digital camera. Nice as they are, they decided to look at the pictures to try and figure out whose camera it was. And as they did, they noticed that the majority of the pictures depicted residents drinking in this building (a first-year hall and also a dry building).
I called our judicial office and asked them what to do. They suggested that I hold on to the camera for right now, meet with the students and then decide whether or not I wanted to file a complaint. I'm going to be honest; I didn't really love that answer. I wish they had just told me to document the situation. I mean, maybe I'm looking at it too much in black and white, but if I am aware of a policy violation, I feel that it is my responsibility to report it. I'd still have that conversation with the students, hoping they'll learn something from it, but I also think they'll learn a lot from having to deal with the consequences given to them by judicial.
I was walking back to my apartment and was in a rush - I think it was Saturday or maybe later on Friday (wow, it's scary that its only Sunday and I can't remember if this happened yesterday or the day before) - and one of the students stopped me. He asked if I had his camera. I told him it depended on what his camera looked like. After he identified his camera, I explained that the Housekeeping staff had found it and had looked at the picture in an attempt to identify whose camera it was and found pictures that showed illegal activity on the camera. I asked him what he thought about this. He denied having broken any policies, didn't seem to understand why I thought there was a problem with him drinking underage in a dry building, and just wanted his camera back. I explained that he could have the camera back as soon as the judicial case had been closed, but that I needed to hold on to it while I was writing the report and then I needed to check with our judicial office to see whether or not they needed it as evidence or if they could release it to him. But I emphasized that he'd get his camera back as soon as we could give it back to him.
Well, after that brief and pointless conversation, I decided that I definitely wanted to document the situation. In addition, the roommate of this student had stopped by my office earlier to tell me that he wanted a room change because his roommate was engaging in illegal activities. The roommate also hinted that drugs were involved and that he was afraid that just from being in the room and inhaling second-hand smoke he may not pass a drug test right now. Of course, the roommate didn't feel comfortable pressing charges or even calling a staff member next time this happened. He just wanted to move.
Earlier that week, one of my RAs had also told me that he was concerned about a couple of rooms on his corridor (this one included) because shady activities had been going on, but he had been unable to catch those students.
I'm not all about "getting students in trouble," but I am about abiding by the law and if I know that illegal activities are going on and I finally find a way to prove it, I will do something about it.
I e-mailed all the students in the pictures and told them that I wanted to meet with them on Monday. Then, I didn't think more about the incident - after all we had another documentation last night and all these events going on. But today, I get a phone call from our police department. Apparently the student had called and said that I had taken his camera and was refusing to give it back. I explained the situation to the police. They kept questioning why I was "witholding personal property" until I explained that the judicial office had asked me to hold on to it for right now. Then, they accepted that I could hold on to the camera for right now, but still questioned if I was doing the right thing by documenting someone based on something that I had seen in pictures.
I know that's a tough question. Institutions are struggling with what to do with Facebook and all these other online sites. I've spent some time thinking about all this myself. And here's what I think: I don't think we should go looking for it, but if we find something, we have a responsibility to do something about it. If I walk past a room and I hear noise and the clinking of bottles, I don't ignore it either, do I?
I really think institutions need to come up with some guidelines and policies, so that staff have something to base those "judgment calls" off.
But back to my story: I went to our NRHH Induction. And then, just after I had returned, I got another phone call, again from our police department, again asking me why I hadn't given the student his camera back. And once again I explained the situation, and once again my decisions were questioned over and over again.
And this isn't the first time I'm having issues with our police department. Early in the semester, we asked them to come to an alcohol awareness event and instead of explaining the consequences of bad choices, as we asked them to do, the officers kept going on about how they used to get trashed and one even told the students how she passed out in a ditch once. And then they talked about how, if students are really drunk, they'll just take them home and there won't be any consequences (our ResLife department does not have such a rule, so whenever that happens, the police will drop off these highly intoxicated students and we will then end up documenting them for intoxication and look like the bad guys).
Just a few weeks later, one of my residents was caught smoking pot - he had paraphenalia and a significant amount of pot on him, and the police just gave him a warning. I had my staff document the situation, so at least he had to go through our judicial system, but once again we looked like the bad guys.
Then, I find out the same student as well as several others were caught by a police officer smoking pot outside and the officer just gave them a warning. Since we didn't find out about it until much later, there was nothing I could do. I wonder how many warnings they give...will they realize after 100 warnings that the student doesn't get the message or will 99 do it?
Oh and let's not forget about the police officer keying into my apartment the friday morning of Thanksgiving Break at 4 AM because my window was open and they wanted to secure it and didn't realize I was there (even though they know that advisory staff stay around over break).
Oh and did I mention that all day today, they would call my office phone - which I don't pick up on weekends - then my home phone and then my personal cell phone. My personal cell phone is FOR EMERGENCY USE only!!! An emergency is a student death, something HUGE...not some student complaining because he doesn't want to face the consequences of his actions. It's the weekend!!! I already had a million events to go to...at least allow me during those few hours I have without work!
So much for the police being your friend and helper....
Well, I guess I should go to bed. Especially now that I get to wake up extra early to turn in this incident report and the camera to our judicial office before my first meeting. Oh joy!
Campus Events I attended this weekend: RHA Formal, Coffee Shop (Talent Show), Acapella Concert, NRHH Inductions
I was sitting in my office on Friday, when my Housing Manager stopped by. The Housekeeping staff had found a digital camera. Nice as they are, they decided to look at the pictures to try and figure out whose camera it was. And as they did, they noticed that the majority of the pictures depicted residents drinking in this building (a first-year hall and also a dry building).
I called our judicial office and asked them what to do. They suggested that I hold on to the camera for right now, meet with the students and then decide whether or not I wanted to file a complaint. I'm going to be honest; I didn't really love that answer. I wish they had just told me to document the situation. I mean, maybe I'm looking at it too much in black and white, but if I am aware of a policy violation, I feel that it is my responsibility to report it. I'd still have that conversation with the students, hoping they'll learn something from it, but I also think they'll learn a lot from having to deal with the consequences given to them by judicial.
I was walking back to my apartment and was in a rush - I think it was Saturday or maybe later on Friday (wow, it's scary that its only Sunday and I can't remember if this happened yesterday or the day before) - and one of the students stopped me. He asked if I had his camera. I told him it depended on what his camera looked like. After he identified his camera, I explained that the Housekeeping staff had found it and had looked at the picture in an attempt to identify whose camera it was and found pictures that showed illegal activity on the camera. I asked him what he thought about this. He denied having broken any policies, didn't seem to understand why I thought there was a problem with him drinking underage in a dry building, and just wanted his camera back. I explained that he could have the camera back as soon as the judicial case had been closed, but that I needed to hold on to it while I was writing the report and then I needed to check with our judicial office to see whether or not they needed it as evidence or if they could release it to him. But I emphasized that he'd get his camera back as soon as we could give it back to him.
Well, after that brief and pointless conversation, I decided that I definitely wanted to document the situation. In addition, the roommate of this student had stopped by my office earlier to tell me that he wanted a room change because his roommate was engaging in illegal activities. The roommate also hinted that drugs were involved and that he was afraid that just from being in the room and inhaling second-hand smoke he may not pass a drug test right now. Of course, the roommate didn't feel comfortable pressing charges or even calling a staff member next time this happened. He just wanted to move.
Earlier that week, one of my RAs had also told me that he was concerned about a couple of rooms on his corridor (this one included) because shady activities had been going on, but he had been unable to catch those students.
I'm not all about "getting students in trouble," but I am about abiding by the law and if I know that illegal activities are going on and I finally find a way to prove it, I will do something about it.
I e-mailed all the students in the pictures and told them that I wanted to meet with them on Monday. Then, I didn't think more about the incident - after all we had another documentation last night and all these events going on. But today, I get a phone call from our police department. Apparently the student had called and said that I had taken his camera and was refusing to give it back. I explained the situation to the police. They kept questioning why I was "witholding personal property" until I explained that the judicial office had asked me to hold on to it for right now. Then, they accepted that I could hold on to the camera for right now, but still questioned if I was doing the right thing by documenting someone based on something that I had seen in pictures.
I know that's a tough question. Institutions are struggling with what to do with Facebook and all these other online sites. I've spent some time thinking about all this myself. And here's what I think: I don't think we should go looking for it, but if we find something, we have a responsibility to do something about it. If I walk past a room and I hear noise and the clinking of bottles, I don't ignore it either, do I?
I really think institutions need to come up with some guidelines and policies, so that staff have something to base those "judgment calls" off.
But back to my story: I went to our NRHH Induction. And then, just after I had returned, I got another phone call, again from our police department, again asking me why I hadn't given the student his camera back. And once again I explained the situation, and once again my decisions were questioned over and over again.
And this isn't the first time I'm having issues with our police department. Early in the semester, we asked them to come to an alcohol awareness event and instead of explaining the consequences of bad choices, as we asked them to do, the officers kept going on about how they used to get trashed and one even told the students how she passed out in a ditch once. And then they talked about how, if students are really drunk, they'll just take them home and there won't be any consequences (our ResLife department does not have such a rule, so whenever that happens, the police will drop off these highly intoxicated students and we will then end up documenting them for intoxication and look like the bad guys).
Just a few weeks later, one of my residents was caught smoking pot - he had paraphenalia and a significant amount of pot on him, and the police just gave him a warning. I had my staff document the situation, so at least he had to go through our judicial system, but once again we looked like the bad guys.
Then, I find out the same student as well as several others were caught by a police officer smoking pot outside and the officer just gave them a warning. Since we didn't find out about it until much later, there was nothing I could do. I wonder how many warnings they give...will they realize after 100 warnings that the student doesn't get the message or will 99 do it?
Oh and let's not forget about the police officer keying into my apartment the friday morning of Thanksgiving Break at 4 AM because my window was open and they wanted to secure it and didn't realize I was there (even though they know that advisory staff stay around over break).
Oh and did I mention that all day today, they would call my office phone - which I don't pick up on weekends - then my home phone and then my personal cell phone. My personal cell phone is FOR EMERGENCY USE only!!! An emergency is a student death, something HUGE...not some student complaining because he doesn't want to face the consequences of his actions. It's the weekend!!! I already had a million events to go to...at least allow me during those few hours I have without work!
So much for the police being your friend and helper....
Well, I guess I should go to bed. Especially now that I get to wake up extra early to turn in this incident report and the camera to our judicial office before my first meeting. Oh joy!
Thursday, November 22, 2007
Let me do my job...
Mood: content
Book I'm currently reading: First Daughter
It's Thankgiving (at least for another half hour). Unlike most of my American readers, I did not spend the day with family, eating too much food and celebrating. Instead, I woke up relatively early but decided to stay in bed and read (Girl at Sea). I took a break from reading to watch some Saved by the Bell, then took a nap, then read some more. In between I had a late breakfast (actually it was more like a late lunch...but I had waffles, so that counts as breakfast, righ?), then read some more. I watched Ugly Betty and Grey's, while eating dinner (vegetable lasagna and ice cream cake). I talked to one person all day - one of my RAs who called to check up on me...how cute! ;)
Now I'm back to reading. I've finished Girl at Sea and moved on to First Daughter, both from the "Young Adult" section in the local library. I rarely read adult novels - maybe the occassional classic here and there - but usually I like to stick to teen or young adult books. They're just more entertaining.
I'm definitely enjoying the few days away from work. Even though I didn't leave over break, it's nice not having to get up at a set hour, spending hours in the office, walking around the building, talking to students, etc. Originally, I was supposed to cover Thanksgiving Break duty since the breakhousing we offer to students is in my building (two rooms with tons of bunkbeds and absolutely no privacy), but I managed to get someone else to cover for me. It just wasn't worth it for me - yeah, so maybe I would have gotten an extra $200 for covering those four days, but I don't need money - what I need is a break.
Work has been "interesting" lately, to say the least. I had a very strange conversation with my two supervisors at our last 2-on-1, a conversation that left me not wanting to work here for another day. It had started with a conversation prior to that meeting, during which one of them had asked me if I was planning on coming back for another year and I explained that I was, mostly because of immigration laws and all this visa application hassle. I mean, my current H1B visa allows me to work here, at this institution in this specific job. I just got this H1B a few months ago. If I were to look for another job, I'd have to go through the whole visa application process again - with very little chance of actually getting a new work permit in time to start a new job for the new school year (since it takes several months and most ResLife departments don't make hiring decisions until April or May and training usually starts in July or August...it could work but would be tight) and espeically with not being able to leave the country while my application was pending, which would mean goodbye to my summer plans (I want to go home and spend some time with family and friends, since I haven't been able to do that in years). I'm just not willing to give up those summer plans right now. And besides, while I don't love the department I'm working for, I really enjoy the time I get to spend with my RAs and my students and I truly believe in my living learning community theme and feel like there is still a lot left for me to accomplish. So granted, I always feel like a black cloud descends upon me when I enter the central office, but hey, at least I only have to go to the office three or four times a week.
But back to the conversation with my supervisors: Basically they encouraged me to think about whether or not I was happy here and if I wasn't, I should look for other jobs. I tried to explain the whole visa situation and they said that this shouldnt' stop by and it could easily be worked out. It just showed such ignorance about the whole situation. I'm sorry; maybe they thought they were being supportive; but it didn't come off that way. It sounded like they were trying to get rid of me, to push me out. And it was obvious that they had no clue about the realities of my immigration status.
And then they said the most hurtful thing of all...they suggested that I better leave here if I'm not happy anymore, instead of staying too long and then not being able to get any positive references. What was that suppoed to mean? Did that mean that they wouldn't give me a good reference if I asked them?
I have worked my a** off these past year and a half. I have developed a whole new curriculum for my building that's taken my living learning community to a whole new level. There is actually learning occuring in my building! My staff has done a fabulous job, my students overall are enjoying their experience here. We've addressed issues in the building in an appropriate and timely manner. I've put a lot of time and effort into the committee I'm chairing. I go to all NRHH meetings and events unlike one of my co-advisors, who happens to be "sick" every other week. I'm not perfect, but I try... and I think I can say, without sounding conceited, that I have done a pretty good job so far.
Here's what bothers me: It feels like my personal life is being evaluated. At the beginning of the year, I kept hearing, "You are so reserved; you don't share things;" then I tried to share a few things and now they are being held against me. I was better off when I lied and said I was perfectly fine.
For example, the whole conversation about "balance:" If I don't have balance in my life because I have decided to give my all to my job for the next couple of years, then that is my choice. As long as my lack of balance doesn't affect my ability to do my job well - and it doesn't, on the contrary, it has allowed me to be a lot more successful because I am more visible in the building and spend more time planning and organizing things for my community - then this is none of my supervisors' business.
Don't go assuming that you know anything about me! You don't know what goes on in my head. Even for a workaholic like me, it's not always about work - sometimes I may look down or be distracted because of personal stuff, things that I do not have to and do not feel comfortable sharing with you. I don't need fake sweetness and care when I know that everything I say will just be used against me later. So just leave me alone and let me do my job!
Book I'm currently reading: First Daughter
It's Thankgiving (at least for another half hour). Unlike most of my American readers, I did not spend the day with family, eating too much food and celebrating. Instead, I woke up relatively early but decided to stay in bed and read (Girl at Sea). I took a break from reading to watch some Saved by the Bell, then took a nap, then read some more. In between I had a late breakfast (actually it was more like a late lunch...but I had waffles, so that counts as breakfast, righ?), then read some more. I watched Ugly Betty and Grey's, while eating dinner (vegetable lasagna and ice cream cake). I talked to one person all day - one of my RAs who called to check up on me...how cute! ;)
Now I'm back to reading. I've finished Girl at Sea and moved on to First Daughter, both from the "Young Adult" section in the local library. I rarely read adult novels - maybe the occassional classic here and there - but usually I like to stick to teen or young adult books. They're just more entertaining.
I'm definitely enjoying the few days away from work. Even though I didn't leave over break, it's nice not having to get up at a set hour, spending hours in the office, walking around the building, talking to students, etc. Originally, I was supposed to cover Thanksgiving Break duty since the breakhousing we offer to students is in my building (two rooms with tons of bunkbeds and absolutely no privacy), but I managed to get someone else to cover for me. It just wasn't worth it for me - yeah, so maybe I would have gotten an extra $200 for covering those four days, but I don't need money - what I need is a break.
Work has been "interesting" lately, to say the least. I had a very strange conversation with my two supervisors at our last 2-on-1, a conversation that left me not wanting to work here for another day. It had started with a conversation prior to that meeting, during which one of them had asked me if I was planning on coming back for another year and I explained that I was, mostly because of immigration laws and all this visa application hassle. I mean, my current H1B visa allows me to work here, at this institution in this specific job. I just got this H1B a few months ago. If I were to look for another job, I'd have to go through the whole visa application process again - with very little chance of actually getting a new work permit in time to start a new job for the new school year (since it takes several months and most ResLife departments don't make hiring decisions until April or May and training usually starts in July or August...it could work but would be tight) and espeically with not being able to leave the country while my application was pending, which would mean goodbye to my summer plans (I want to go home and spend some time with family and friends, since I haven't been able to do that in years). I'm just not willing to give up those summer plans right now. And besides, while I don't love the department I'm working for, I really enjoy the time I get to spend with my RAs and my students and I truly believe in my living learning community theme and feel like there is still a lot left for me to accomplish. So granted, I always feel like a black cloud descends upon me when I enter the central office, but hey, at least I only have to go to the office three or four times a week.
But back to the conversation with my supervisors: Basically they encouraged me to think about whether or not I was happy here and if I wasn't, I should look for other jobs. I tried to explain the whole visa situation and they said that this shouldnt' stop by and it could easily be worked out. It just showed such ignorance about the whole situation. I'm sorry; maybe they thought they were being supportive; but it didn't come off that way. It sounded like they were trying to get rid of me, to push me out. And it was obvious that they had no clue about the realities of my immigration status.
And then they said the most hurtful thing of all...they suggested that I better leave here if I'm not happy anymore, instead of staying too long and then not being able to get any positive references. What was that suppoed to mean? Did that mean that they wouldn't give me a good reference if I asked them?
I have worked my a** off these past year and a half. I have developed a whole new curriculum for my building that's taken my living learning community to a whole new level. There is actually learning occuring in my building! My staff has done a fabulous job, my students overall are enjoying their experience here. We've addressed issues in the building in an appropriate and timely manner. I've put a lot of time and effort into the committee I'm chairing. I go to all NRHH meetings and events unlike one of my co-advisors, who happens to be "sick" every other week. I'm not perfect, but I try... and I think I can say, without sounding conceited, that I have done a pretty good job so far.
Here's what bothers me: It feels like my personal life is being evaluated. At the beginning of the year, I kept hearing, "You are so reserved; you don't share things;" then I tried to share a few things and now they are being held against me. I was better off when I lied and said I was perfectly fine.
For example, the whole conversation about "balance:" If I don't have balance in my life because I have decided to give my all to my job for the next couple of years, then that is my choice. As long as my lack of balance doesn't affect my ability to do my job well - and it doesn't, on the contrary, it has allowed me to be a lot more successful because I am more visible in the building and spend more time planning and organizing things for my community - then this is none of my supervisors' business.
Don't go assuming that you know anything about me! You don't know what goes on in my head. Even for a workaholic like me, it's not always about work - sometimes I may look down or be distracted because of personal stuff, things that I do not have to and do not feel comfortable sharing with you. I don't need fake sweetness and care when I know that everything I say will just be used against me later. So just leave me alone and let me do my job!
Thursday, November 8, 2007
Too much to do, too little time
Mood: drained, exhausted
Currently watching: Grey's Anatomy
Sorry for being MIA for so long. It's been crazy to say the least. Even now, I have an endless to-do list. But Grey's is the one show I allow myself to watch and I feel like I have a fever (I'd rather not check because it's not like I can miss work tomorrow anyway), so I figured I deserve a little break.
I've been struggling with fitting in everything: academic advising (this week was registration for first-year students, so I've been bombarded with last minute questions), the usual ResLife stuff (Staff Meetings, 1:1's), a huge load of judicials (at least compared to other colleagues), NRHH, chairing the Adviser Training Committee, teaching a Leadership course and trying to give this whole Living Learning Community thing some structure for next semester. I usually start work at 9 AM. I'm in the office or in meetings all day. In the evenings, I either have staff meeting or corridor meetings (we've had to address some alcohol and safety concerns) or programs (we've also had lots of those). I usually get stuck talking to some residents (answering more advising questions or just helping with other random things) and then it's about 9 or 10 by the time I get back to my apartment. I'm usually pretty tired and drained by that time, but work isn't over yet. I hardly ever get any time to work on projects and other tasks during the day, so that's what I do at night. Personal time hasn't existed for the past month. Sleeping mostly happens on the weekends.
I'm not trying to complain. I know I do some of it to myself by being an overachiever and not being able to deal with things not being perfect. But part of it is just this job.
I feel like, as long as everything goes as planned, I'm able to handle it. But when something goes wrong, everything falls apart.
But complaining and whining won't help, so let's talk about something else.
Hmmm, how about my LLC: The first semester in CHANGE and of my Residential Curriculum has gone over pretty well. My staff likes the structure and direction the curriculum provides. I like knowing that there are some educational components that we're getting across to residents. Yes, there are definitely some things I need to revise. For example, we had students from our Leadership class do corridor workshops - having all of those over a very brief period of time was a bad idea. There was just an overload of programming going on in the building. Also, having all the corridor do their community service project the same month provided some challenges.
Once all this craziness slows down - who knows when that'll be but it has to happen some time - I will revise the curriculum from this semester for next year. But first, I need to come up with a curriculum for second semester.
We're planning a Spring Break Service Trip. It's all getting a little stressful because I should have booked it a long time ago - but Habitat for Humanities makes you pay for the trip if you have to cancel it or don't have enough participants - so I don't want to do so unless I really know who is all going. I'm also trying to get funding from various sources, which has worked out pretty well so far, but it's just been a lot of work. Hopefully in a week or so I'll have this whole trip figured out.
Okay, now I really need to get some rest. I'll write more soon. :)
Currently watching: Grey's Anatomy
Sorry for being MIA for so long. It's been crazy to say the least. Even now, I have an endless to-do list. But Grey's is the one show I allow myself to watch and I feel like I have a fever (I'd rather not check because it's not like I can miss work tomorrow anyway), so I figured I deserve a little break.
I've been struggling with fitting in everything: academic advising (this week was registration for first-year students, so I've been bombarded with last minute questions), the usual ResLife stuff (Staff Meetings, 1:1's), a huge load of judicials (at least compared to other colleagues), NRHH, chairing the Adviser Training Committee, teaching a Leadership course and trying to give this whole Living Learning Community thing some structure for next semester. I usually start work at 9 AM. I'm in the office or in meetings all day. In the evenings, I either have staff meeting or corridor meetings (we've had to address some alcohol and safety concerns) or programs (we've also had lots of those). I usually get stuck talking to some residents (answering more advising questions or just helping with other random things) and then it's about 9 or 10 by the time I get back to my apartment. I'm usually pretty tired and drained by that time, but work isn't over yet. I hardly ever get any time to work on projects and other tasks during the day, so that's what I do at night. Personal time hasn't existed for the past month. Sleeping mostly happens on the weekends.
I'm not trying to complain. I know I do some of it to myself by being an overachiever and not being able to deal with things not being perfect. But part of it is just this job.
I feel like, as long as everything goes as planned, I'm able to handle it. But when something goes wrong, everything falls apart.
But complaining and whining won't help, so let's talk about something else.
Hmmm, how about my LLC: The first semester in CHANGE and of my Residential Curriculum has gone over pretty well. My staff likes the structure and direction the curriculum provides. I like knowing that there are some educational components that we're getting across to residents. Yes, there are definitely some things I need to revise. For example, we had students from our Leadership class do corridor workshops - having all of those over a very brief period of time was a bad idea. There was just an overload of programming going on in the building. Also, having all the corridor do their community service project the same month provided some challenges.
Once all this craziness slows down - who knows when that'll be but it has to happen some time - I will revise the curriculum from this semester for next year. But first, I need to come up with a curriculum for second semester.
We're planning a Spring Break Service Trip. It's all getting a little stressful because I should have booked it a long time ago - but Habitat for Humanities makes you pay for the trip if you have to cancel it or don't have enough participants - so I don't want to do so unless I really know who is all going. I'm also trying to get funding from various sources, which has worked out pretty well so far, but it's just been a lot of work. Hopefully in a week or so I'll have this whole trip figured out.
Okay, now I really need to get some rest. I'll write more soon. :)
Monday, October 22, 2007
Dumbledore rocks my world
So, this entry won't have much to do with Student Affairs and my job - except that anything can be related to Student Affairs because we love to talk about diversity, right?
Okay, so I was doing a round in the building and I ran into one of my RAs who told me that she just heard that Dumbledore (from Harry Potter) was gay. She had to tell me because she knew I'd be very excited. And oh, I was! I had to immediately check Mugglenet.com to see if it was true. And then, I made the big mistake of reading some of the reader's comments. Granted, many were positive - some were at least trying to be positive - and others were just disgusting. Someone said that they didn't like the serious anymore and would never be able to look at Harry Potter the same way.
The one comment that really got me thinking was one by a mother saying that as a mother, she would have expected JKR to dodge the question because she didn't want her children to hear that. Because sexual orientation brings up sex and kids shouldn't know about that. Now, I'm not about to explain the details of sex to five-year olds. But kids also see that there's a mommy and daddy...so why not tell them that some families have two daddies or two mommies. You don't need to talk about sex to explain that. You can just explain to your kids that Dumbledore, if he got married, would marry a guy. No big deal.
I think that would give you a great opportunity to talk to your children about how there are different kinds of couples and families.
Was it necessary to release Dumbledore's sexual orientation? Hmmm, maybe not. But why did we all assume that he was straight? JKR never said that either. Would it be such a big deal if she told us that Dumbledore liked vanilla ice cream? That's just as irrelevant to the story as that he was gay, but as fans we would have all been excited about learning more details about our favorite characters. And that's all JKR did...give us another detail about a character.
I know I will definitely have my children read Harry Potter - and they will know for sure that Dumbeldore is gay and what it means to be gay.
Okay, so I was doing a round in the building and I ran into one of my RAs who told me that she just heard that Dumbledore (from Harry Potter) was gay. She had to tell me because she knew I'd be very excited. And oh, I was! I had to immediately check Mugglenet.com to see if it was true. And then, I made the big mistake of reading some of the reader's comments. Granted, many were positive - some were at least trying to be positive - and others were just disgusting. Someone said that they didn't like the serious anymore and would never be able to look at Harry Potter the same way.
The one comment that really got me thinking was one by a mother saying that as a mother, she would have expected JKR to dodge the question because she didn't want her children to hear that. Because sexual orientation brings up sex and kids shouldn't know about that. Now, I'm not about to explain the details of sex to five-year olds. But kids also see that there's a mommy and daddy...so why not tell them that some families have two daddies or two mommies. You don't need to talk about sex to explain that. You can just explain to your kids that Dumbledore, if he got married, would marry a guy. No big deal.
I think that would give you a great opportunity to talk to your children about how there are different kinds of couples and families.
Was it necessary to release Dumbledore's sexual orientation? Hmmm, maybe not. But why did we all assume that he was straight? JKR never said that either. Would it be such a big deal if she told us that Dumbledore liked vanilla ice cream? That's just as irrelevant to the story as that he was gay, but as fans we would have all been excited about learning more details about our favorite characters. And that's all JKR did...give us another detail about a character.
I know I will definitely have my children read Harry Potter - and they will know for sure that Dumbeldore is gay and what it means to be gay.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)