Summer's coming to an end

While for some people, summer hasn't even started yet (my parents, for example, who are both teachers in Austria, still have one more week to work before starting their summer vacation), I feel like summer's definitely coming to an end for me. I just got back from a 5-day vacation in Spain with my sister (lots of sun, ocean but not that great food...at least not a lot of Vegetarian food at the hotel we were staying at, especially since I also don't eat fish) and now it's one more week, then one week of vacation with my parents and my sister in Italy and then back to the US and very soon, back to training. Okay, not that soon...training starts on July 21st for us (yeah, we start very early) so that's not "that soon" but it's less than a month....

I'm having a bit of a harder time not thinking about work anymore. There's a book I should really read, a residential curriculum that needs to be revised, lesson plans for my Group Leadership course designed (at least the details...we get the drafts from the coordinator of the course and I've already taught it last year, so I have some more experience this time around) and and and. I'm beginning to dread it a little...and I wish I had started earlier. It feels like I'll be pretty busy with work for the next few weeks and I'm not looking forward to that - I had hoped to enjoy the last few weeks of my vacation relaxing at the lake and hanging out with friends. Well, I may be doing both this weekend. My three best friends are coming and staying for two nights. We haven't made any definite plans yet but going down to the lake will probably be part of that. Then, next week - while my parents are at work - I'll have to force myself to sit down and look at some of those books and documents that I've been avoiding all summer.

It's weird...during the year I'm such a workaholic but once I stop, I really stop and then I have a terribly hard time getting back into the swing of things. During the year, I stay up late and work on things - I have more fun revising a lesson plan for work than hanging out with colleagues sometimes - but then I'm on vacation and I just want to do nothing...or at least nothing that relates to work. I've been re-reading Harry Potter. ;) My family makes fun of me...they say I should know by now how the books end. But they're just so fabulous. I still start to cry when some of my favorite characters get hurt. Fabulous writing!!!!

Okay, I'm off to read some more Harry Potter and then it's time for bed because tomorrow starts my fun weekend with my friends. :) And soon after that I'll hopefully have some news on how preparations for work are coming along.

Being on vacation

We all know I'm a workaholic but if you'd been hanging out with me in the last few weeks, you wouldn't recognize me. I started the vacation with lots of good intention in terms of getting ahead with work, reading some books for work that I should have read a long time ago...but now I've been in Austria for almost a month and I've barely done anything. Maybe it's being so far away from work, maybe I just needed a break, or maybe there are just too many distractions. I haven't even been that busy though - there's been plenty of times when I was sitting around wondering what I could do and even being bored - but work still didn't come to my mind.
So for all you workaholics out there: take some time off, get far far away from work and just don't do anything. It's possible, even for someone like us!!!

I'll probably regret not having done anything when I get back but I'd rather not think about that right now. Instead I'll tell you about the fun things that have been keeping me busy lately:

1) My three best friends and I spent some time together. The four of us met in Innsbruck for a couple days, where we celebrated birthdays and one of the girl's boyfriend getting his doctorate degree. Then, I went to visit one of them in Munich.

2) Family: I visited my grandparents, who live on the other side of Austria. I'm definitely done with riding the train...yeah, it may sound like fun for Americans who haven't taken the train very often, but let me tell you: It's NOT! The seats aren't all that comfortable. And on the ride back I got stuck with a group of middle school students, who were returning from a field trip...and they were just rude and obnoxious and annoying. I'm usually not that impatient but there was something about those kids and being stuck in a train for so many hours...
Anyway, unfortunately my parents and my sister are working, but whenever my parents have some time off (and if the weather's nice), we've been trying to do something. Today, my mom and I went hiking; tomorrow afternoon my dad and I will probably do something.

3) Sports: I've never been a huge fan of sports but I do go running occasionally and have tortured myself with the random "work-out DVD" in an attempt to lose some weight and get in shape. I'm trying to keep that up while I'm here and it's been working out pretty well. I've been doing at least "something" every day since I've gotten home.

4) Obsessions: There are a few things I'm obsessed with and during the school year I never have enough time to truly live out my obsessions. So I'm using this time as much as I can....
and here's a list of some of those obsessions:
a) Uwe Kröger: Okay, so most of you may not know him and I'm sorry...because that's really a huge loss. :) Uwe is a fabulous singer and has played the leads in a variety of musicals from Starlight Express to Les Miserables to Beauty and the Beast, Phantom of the Opera and famous Austrian shows such as "Elisabeth" and "Rebecca." I had my dad tape a show with him, "Musical Showstar 2008" and some evenings (like tonight) I just watch one YouTube video of him after the other. He was voted Germany's best musical star seven or eight times. Check him out at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sYhvA-BmSCU&feature=related.
b) Harry Potter: I tried to read a couple other books (for example, Barack Obama's Dreams from my Father, which was great and then a few German books...some good, some not so fabulous) but in the end, I just had to get back to Harry Potter. I can't help it; I've read the books ten or more times but they're just so wonderful.

Okay, now you know my two darkest secrets...my Uwe and my Harry obsessions.

I hope you're all having a fabulous summer!

On life-altering moments

People often ask me why I "choose" to move to the US. That's a tough question. I'm not sure if I ever truly "choose" to move there. It just kind of happened.

I guess it all started with going on vacation to the US. My family travels a lot; my parents are both teachers so we used the summer vacations to explore different countries. We used to have an RV, but after we sold that (after ten years and lots of car trouble in the last few years), we decided to fly and that's when we ended up in the US...twice! I also wasn't all that happy in my high school; I really couldn't see myself making it through junior and senior year at that school. So it was either try to skip a year and graduate early (which I didn't want to do because I didn't want to leave my friends in my class), switch schools (again, not an option because I didn't want to leave my friends), or study abroad (which, granted, meant leaving my friends for a year but I knew I'd be back in the same class with them my senior year.
Studying abroad led to going to undergrad in the US; I quickly got sucked into ResLife (being an RA for three years and an Orientation Leader for one summer; active in RHA and NRHH), suddenly realized you could do that for a career, applied for grad school and you know the rest.

But did I really ever "choose" to move to the US? It's not like I sat down and said, "Yes, I will spend the rest of my life in the US." It was more a series of events, or "life-altering moments" that led to the move. Not that I realized, at the time, that those were "life-altering moments." It was more seemingly unimportant little decisions: picking a spot for our family vacation, trying to get a job at college to pay for room and board, needing something to do for the summer, etc.

Now I can't imagine moving back to Austria; my life, my carreer - everything is in the US. I still miss my family and friends (I have the three most amazing friends from high school) but I wouldn't know what to do here. I catch myself not "fitting" into the culture here, not knowing how to do things (e.g. not bringing a shopping bag to the store...here, if you don't bring your own bag, you have to buy one...a nice way of forcing people not to waste plastic bags but to re-use them...great idea but it sucks when you stand at the counter and realize you don't have a bag with you and have to cram all the chocolate you just bought into the pockets of your jacket). I'm sure I could get used to the life over here again pretty quickly, but would I be happy? Am I happy in the US though?
Tough questions. I'm not sure I know the answers. Sometimes I feel like I'm just drifting along in my life: after high school, I went to college because that was the next step (granted, I went to a different country which was a little out of the ordinary but it was still college), then I went to graduate school because it was the next step, I applied for a job in my field of studies because it was the next step. But now, what's the next step now? Apply for another job? Try to move higher in my career? Try to find a partner and start a family? But is that really what I want or is it just "the next step?"
And what are those "seemingly unimportant decisions" that will later turn out to be "life-altering moments." It'd be nice to know because then I could spend just a little more time thinking about them as I make them.

School's out...

I'm in Austria, visiting my family. This is the first time in seven years that I haven't worked in the summer. Crazy! It's weird to not be working. It's even weirder since summer housing is in my building this year; so I know there's people in my building right now. There's another staff member running summer housing. I know she'll do great, but I'm glad I'm not there to see what's going on. Somehow it's still "my" building!
I'm a little jealous of everyone who's working Orientation this summer. I know several of the Orientation leaders pretty well and would have loved working with them. And I always had a weak spot for Orientation. But I figured, how many more years will I have a 10-month contract and the option to take the summer off...I should take advantage of that.

Being at home is weird. Do you ever feel like you turn into your 16-year-old self whenever you enter the house of your parents? I still feel like that misunderstood, stubborn teenager from back then. I'm still expected to go to bed early, to eat all meals with the and to tell my parents when I go somewhere. My friend and I wanted to drive to Switzerland to watch "Sex and the City" in English - they only show it in German in our hometown - and the movie theatre in Switzerland is only an hour and a half away...okay, maybe a little crazy but the German translation of the Sex and the City shows was bad enough...we didn't want to watch the movie in the translated version. Anyway, of course my parents thought that was crazy and we would only be "allowed" to do so if we're using my friend's car. Thank god she has a car! I hate not having a car. I feel trapped. I barely ever use my car at school, but it's just nice to know that you can get away whenever you want. Here I have a bike...oh joy! Every chance of getting the hell away is connected to physical labor....

I have to admit that I brougt some work home with me; I haven't touched it yet but really should. I got this assessment grant last year to do some studies (a pre- and post-test for my living learning community and a few focus groups...we got money for pizza and prices) and I need to write a summary of the project. It's due in 15 days and I haven't even started yet. I really need to do that....
I also brought some books to read, the binder with all the materials for the course I'm teaching next semester and the textbooks, and my laptop with me. The goal is to be as prepared for next year as possible. Maybe I can make my next year (which will probably also be my last year at my current institution...unless my students convince me to stay for another year which some of them are definitely trying to do)...anyway, hopefully I can make my next year a little less stressful. We'll see.

Okay, our neighbours should be coming over any minute for a little birthday celebration for my mom. Which really just means me having to answer tons of stupid questions and having to listen to why everything American is stupid and I should have stayed in Austria...

Wish me luck!

We've got spirit, yes, we do...

It's been a while...

I'm at the NACURH (National Association of College and University Residence Halls) Conference at Oklahoma State University right now (for you non-ResLifers: RHAs, Residence Hall Associations, send delegations to this conference). I just said goodnight to my students - who are still up playing volleyball - and went back to my room. The first thing I did, of course, was to check my work e-mail to see if I had missed anything. I just can't get rid of some of those workaholic tendencies...haha.

NACURH has been a blast so far. One of my best friends from Undergrad is here, also as an advisor with a delegation. One of my Orientation students, two students who were RAs at my undergrad at the same time I was an RA, one of my former supervisors...it's like a big reunion. :)
One of my students said earlier today, "Stop being so popular." Haha! Student Affairs is a small world. He'll have to get used to it (I'm recruiting him for our profession...it shouldn't be too hard).

I closed my building last week. Of course my students couldn't just leave on a happy note...
The night before the last day of finals, someone pulled a fire alarm at 3:30 am. I felt terribly for all those students, who had been studying like crazy all week and were just trying to get some well-deserved sleep to be rested and ready for their last finals the next day.
And then, closing day, someone left a bag with pop tabs (from beer cans) outside my door and a note that said, "Haha, you didn't catch us, bitch." One of my students also stopped by my office during the last week of classes to tell me that I was the worst hall director ever - simply because I wouldn't move him to another room (newsflash: when he asked, I didn't have any rooms open in my building; a single opened up later on and Housing gave it to him...at our institution only the Housing office can assign singles while we can move students to open spaces in doubles; so I couldn't have moved him to that single).

I guess I don't have to explain that I was very happy when we had checked out the last residents, did our last walk-through of the building and closed the doors for this year. I'm taking the summer off (I have a ten-month position; we have the opportunity to work over the summer but I chose not to do that this year) and am actually going to Austria to visit my family. It'll be good to get away from everything and come back re-energized and ready for another year.

There were also some really good times though and it was tough to say goodbye to some of my students. I will miss this year's staff terribly. One of my graduate assistants graduated (why do they have to do that???); she was amazing and right now I can't imagine running the building without her. I know it'll be okay and my new grad will be fabulous...but saying goodbye was definitely tough. My other grad still has one more year but she was moved to another building. :(
Three of my RAs are returning to my staff (yay!), three will be in different buildings, three are not returning to the RA position next year and one is studying abroad in the Fall. I'll miss them terribly; we've had a fun year and accomplished a lot. We didn't always agree on everything, but overall we came together as a staff and a team and developed close relationships with each other. At least none of them are graduating, so they'll still be around next year (and we will have reunion dinners and such...) and several of them are in NRHH, so I'll definitely get to see them at those meetings.

I also had some very special students this year. There was my "fanclub" which was actually a intramural sports team but they used my name and had t-shirts with my face on it...a little creepy, I know, but also really sweet! Then there were several of my students who really embraced our theme and the idea of being active members of their community; many of them have taken on formal leadership positions for next year with student government or as RAs. It'll be exciting to watch them to continue to grow and become influential leaders in our community.
Three students and I did a "positive art project" two weeks before closing; we had an incident on campus this year of a very offensive art project being displayed. We talked about it in my leadership course and one of the students asked me after that conversation if we could do a "positive art project" to show that many of our students actually value diversity. So we made a big banner with different color handprints, painted the words "Celebrate Diversity" on it and hung it outside our building during finals week. I just really loved that one of my students took the initiative to make this happen.

And then there's my NRHH crew!!! I love them; I really do. One of my RAs will be president next year and I know she'll just be amazing. Our NRHH delegate, who is here at NACURH with me, cracks me up - he's an outstanding student leader and we can have conversations about the most serious topics, but we can also just fool around and have a good time. I like to have a good time.
I know some of my colleagues would say that I'm "too close" with my students and that I should hang out with my students and more with other advisors. But around 10:30 pm the majority of advisors (at least the ones I know) were going to bed while my students were hanging out at the live karaoke and dancing. And if you know me, you know that I will never pass up the opportunity to dance. :)

Okay, I've finished some work-related tasks (we just received our committee chair information the day before we left for NACURH...basically if you want to chair a committee next year, you have to submit a letter by Friday saying what committee you are interested in and why; well, I'm at NACURH and then I'm going home to Austria and will leave right away to spend the weekend in Italy...so really, this interest letter just had to happen tonight...not sure how good it is...we'll see); I've listened to my favorite band, which has become a nightly ritual (Shout-out to "We The Living"...check them out at http://wetheliving.com/); I've checked my personal e-mail and decided to respond to those messages tomorrow; and I've gotten my stuff ready for tomorrow. So now it's time for bed.

For those of you who are still closing your buildings/finishing up last tasks before the end of the school year: good luck with everything. For those of you who're already done, enjoy the summer!
Shout-out to everyone who's here at NACURH right now!!!

When it rains, it pours.

I haven't been feeling well for the past few days. I have the flu, I think, and absolutely no time to spend all day in bed and relax. But if I'm up for more than few hours, I feel like I'm burning out, I'm short of breath and I start feeling dizzy.

I don't like being sick. When you're sick, you realize how alone you are. I was stretched out on my couch last night, really not feeling all that great, and terribly thirsty. But there was nobody to go to the fridge and get iced tea for me. And even though it's just in the next room, it cost me a lot of energy to get it myself. :( Those are the moments when you truly miss your mom, who used to spoil you when you were sick. Where are the days when you could just call for your mom and she'd bring you tea and soup or anything you asked for? Being sick wasn't so bad when you got out of school and were getting spoiled at home. Now, when you still have to work and have to get everything yourself, being sick really isn't fun.

Anyway, as if this wasn't enough: I was watching TV and had started dozing off, when I heard two male voices and a lot of movement outside my door. I knew something was wrong, but nothing prepared me for that...
As I opened my door, I saw a trash can that had been dragged in from outside and dumped out right outside my apartment door. On the floor was some weird brown fluid/mess and I saw a guy running down the hallway pulling up his pants (use your own imagination to figure out what happened). His friend was rushing out the other door. Half asleep and only seeing the back of them, I really couldn't tell who they were. I didn't have my keys on me or shoes on or was in the right physical condition to chase after them. So there was nothing left to do but call the police and file a report. Then, I tried to call emergency maintenance because I was NOT going to clean up that mess myself. And it started to smell, so there was no chance of me going to bed with that smell right outside my apartment. Of course, our Emergency Maintenance service didn't pick up the phone. So much for "emergency" maintenance...I guess you're only allowed to have emergencies during work hours. Finally, a police officer came over to help me clean up.
And of course, one of my residents had been sitting in the Lobby and must have seen something (or at least the guy running away) but was insisting that she hadn't seen anything. As if!!!

I e-mailed my supervisor before I went to sleep to let him know what happened. So the next morning, I expected there to be an e-mail or a voicemail checking in with me and making sure I was okay. I mean, that isn't too much to ask for, right? But nothing. A few hours later, I got an e-mail from my supervisor about a stupid meeting we were having that day; still no comment on the whole incident. Finally, that afternoon after the meeting, which was regarding something completely different, he asked what had happened last night. But to be honest, at this point, it was too late...because I was already frustrated. I mean, we talk so much about ensuring our students' safety, but has anyone ever thought about the staff's safety?
I guess the mature thing would have been to say something to my supervisor at this time; to express that I wasn't feeling supported or that I had hoped for a different and faster reaction. But what's the point in telling people that you want them to care about you and your well-being? Even if they express their concern then, it won't feel genuine because you had to ask them to do it first; and you'll still feel as alone and will still question if anyone cares.

It's like this Fall, when a mother made assumptions about my sexual orientation and told me that "nobody should have to live with a person like me." When I told my supervisors about this incident, they said that I did the right thing by telling this woman that we didn't move anyone based on their sexual orientation and backed me up on that decision; but nobody ever checked in with me to make sure I was okay or that I was feeling safe.

I guess I should have known when I went into this profession that things like this would happen. And I can handle it. It'd just be nice to get a phone call after an incident like that and have your supervisor say something like, "I'm sorry this happened to you. Are you okay?" It'd just make me feel like people in this department actually care about me and how I'm doing.

On feeling "old" and being lonely

One of my graduate assistants is graduating in two weeks and is job searching. Today, in our evaluation meeting, she talked about how she can't believe that she is really done with school and will have a "real job" next year. And I thought that I can't believe that I've had a "real job" for two years already.

It's like mood swings...some days I can't believe that I'm a "grown-up" and have a "real job;" other days I just feel old and I am "afraid that I met the [person] of my dreams at a dry cleaner or something and I was just too busy to notice." (quote from movie "Fools Rush In")
When I was little, I thought I would be married at 26; I thought I'd have at least one if not two kids by now. Instead, I'm single, living in a residence hall, working 24/7, spending my Friday nights watching a romantic comedy and eating ice cream. What a life, right? And sadly enough, I don't really see this changing any time soon. I mean, living in a small town and always being busy with work, I really don't meet many people, who are not students or colleagues. And we all know that there aren't that many heterosexual, single men in Student Affairs.

I guess it's just one of those nights when I feel lonely and old.

On the job front, there isn't much new. Our annual reports are due on Monday. I actually turned mine in already. These reports are supposed to cover everthing that we did this year and give a new, incoming staff member all the resources they may need to manage our building and run the living learning community. That's a lot of information to cover, don't you think?
I know I'm a lengthy writer and maybe I put in some things that aren't necessary. But I don't expect a new staff member to read every single sentence. I try to organize the report, so they can glance through the table of contents, pick the section that relates to what they're trying to do, and then go through those resources. I also believe in including attachments and other documents that this person, if he/she wants to could utilize (with minor alterations). Again, if he/she decided to redo everthing, that's fine. But if he/she doesn't want to reinvent the wheel, everything should be there, right?

Okay, so I finished my report and the actual report is about 50 pages plus about 100 pages of attachments and other documents. I know that's a lot longer than what everyone else has. But do people really have to make fun of me for it? If it's too long, maybe my supervisor should tell me that and work with me to see what sections could be cut. But why make jokes and laught at me? It just gets frustrating and annoying. No wonder I live in the "CHANGE" (the name of my LLC) bubble and try to venture out as little as possible. Within my bubble, I'm safe.

I guess I'm just feeling lonely tonight. I've been more homesick these past two years working here than I ever was when I first came to the US for college. But back then, I had friends. Now, I have staff members, who I love hanging out with but can't be with 24/7 because after all they are students and I'm their supervisor; I have colleagues, who - for whatever reason - don't care about me and don't understand me; and I have three amazing friends, who live a 10-hour flight away.

Okay, enough feeling bad for myself. It's time for bed because I have a lot of work to do tomorrow (yes, on a Saturday).